As Weak and Vulnerable

In my life journey with God, I encountered great amass of events and been through ups and downs. Many points in life I was so frustrated with myself when I found myself entangled by sins. Though I know that I am now a new creation in Christ and that Jesus has set me free and the power of Holy Spirit dwells in me, I can still fall into temptation and commit sin. It is due to the sinful nature that every being carries, and that no one is perfect except God. As I reflect and ponder, I come to the realization that no one is sinless except God. If one is forever purified and remains sinless after accepting Jesus into his or her life, then does the person still need God? The person will never need to go through repetitive repentance before God nor do grace and mercy mean much to him or her. Therefore, repentance is not an once-off process. We need to drink from God's grace and mercy and seek His forgiveness constantly. Subsequently, we find ourselves longing more of Him every single day and knowing that we are Nothing without Him. If not, why do we address God as the Precious One? Precious means highly esteemed, of great value and very costly. Think about this, if we can attain something easily without much pursue, how much will we treasure the thing?

It is in my weakness that His power and strength are made perfect in me. It is in my ugliness that I see His perfect being and beauty. Of that, I can't boast how mature and perfect I am, but to boast only in the name of Jesus.

On the other hand, there are times where I perceive that I am better than others, or that I am purer or more righteous than another person. This often happens when I tend to compare myself with one another and deem that another person has committed a Bigger sin than I. Recently, it caused a big woo-wow as a leader in the church committed sexual sin and was pregnant as a consequence. Upon knowing, I was not there to justify or condemn but it reminded me of how fallible and feeble every person can be, regardless whether one is a pastor, a deacon or a leader. Everyone is living by grace alone. Everyone needs the same portion. As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one. Romans 3:10. It is often when a church is undergoing trials and persecutions that people get united and stronger.

I borrowed one of the resolutions of Jonathan Edwards and made it mine as I relate myself to his position.

‎"Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God."

I consider myself as worse as any other being, that nobody else can be so bad as I am. When I see the weakness and sins in another person, I am convinced as if I had committed the same sins and same failings. It brings shame to myself seeing another believer falling and that causes me to seek His face and confess my sins before Him constantly.

None is greater, none is more righteous, none is perfect, none doesn't need God. We are all on the same boat, needing Jesus to calm the storm.

Farewell

Being a student, I look forward to the long deserved semester break at the end of every semester. I love to do countdown and get excited over it, longing to sleep in as if day and night doesn't really matter anymore and to have my own time and space to do whatever I want at the speed which is convenient and comfortable. It is the greater allowance of freedom I am seeking after.

Holiday supposes to be joyful and breaking free. Despite that, ending a semester can mean graduation for other students. Though graduation should be a joyous moment as we celebrate those who have successfully fought the good fight over the lengthy 3 - 4 years of university life, it can be sad as another chapter of life - career is soon to be embraced, whether one likes it or not. Farewell has become one of the other option one often has especially for the international students. There are two options: To stay or return home.

It is never easy to leave all the experience, emotions and memories behind and just simply turn your back and leave a place for good. It is even harder if you have a great bunch of friends that you truly love and whom you have been journeying along for years, those who walked through ups and downs with you. Most people will at least have the inner urge to truly treasure their last few months, weeks or days prior to their departure. They will arrange appointments, meet-ups, and do all the things they have yet accomplished or tried so that they will not be leaving in regret. Quality time and waking up early will now be a thing to ensure their days are well spent. Some might even wish for the time to pause for awhile.

On the other hand, the people surrounding those soon-to-fly-birds will now have a fairly packed schedule to meet. Farewell parties, catch-ups, hang-outs... just to make sure good time is invested with those who are leaving, intensified by the fact of not knowing the next time of seeing each other. Both parties are affected. Both parties are reluctant.

However, it might not mean so much if the chapter here is a nightmare and if one couldn't wait to break free from the pit.

There is always a place we long for, or someone we long to see. Farewell is not the end of something but the beginning of something new. For now, I have just farewelled my dear housemate and soon, there will be a few more to cry for.

So, are we boosted and motivated to leave a legacy and memorable footprints as we reach and leave a station in life?

All in all, trust in the Lord always. Knowing that He has a plan not to harm but to prosper us. We have a big God. Don't run our own agenda, but let God be the driver.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21