Definition of Love

When people say ‘I love u’, they can mean very different things. Six different ways:

1. Romantic love: Love is an all-consuming emotional experience. Love at 1st sight is typical, and physical attraction is essential. A romantic lover might agree with the statement that ‘My lover and I have the right physical ‘chemistry’ between us’.

2. Possessive love: The possessive lover is emotionally intense, jealous, obsessed with the beloved. The possessive lover is highly dependent on the beloved and therefore fears rejection. He or she might agree that ‘’When my lover doesn’t pay attention to me, I feel sick all over.’’

3. Best friends love: Love is a comfortable intimacy that slowly grows out of companionship, mutual sharing, and self-disclosure. A best friend lover is thoughtful, warm, and compassionate. He or she might agree that ‘My most satisfying love relationships have developed from good friendship.’

4. Pragmatic love: This is the ‘’love that goes shopping for a suitable mate, and all it asks is that the relationship work well, that the two partners be compatible and satisfy each other’s basic needs’’. The practical lover seeks contentment rather than excitement. He or she might agree that ‘’One consideration in choosing a partner is how he or she will reflect on my career.’’

5. Altruistic love: This style of love is unconditionally caring, giving, and forgiving. Love means a duty to give to the loved one with no strings attached. An altruistic lover might agree that ‘I cannot be happy unless I place my lover’s happiness before my own.’

6. Game playing love: This person plays at love as others play tennis or chess: to enjoy the ‘love game’ and to win it. No relationship lasts for long, usually ending when the partner becomes boring or too serious. A game player might agree that ‘‘I enjoy playing the ‘game of love’ with a number of different partners.’’

Passionate Love and Companionate Love

Passionate love has been described as “a wildly emotional state: tender and sexual feelings, elation and pain, anxiety and relief, altruism and jealousy coexist in a confusion of feelings”.
Passionate love is often said to strike suddenly and fade quickly. This type of love is intense but fragile and often short-lived.

Companionate love has been defined as “the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined.” This is a more practical type of love that emphasizes trust, caring, and tolerance of the partner’s flaws and idiosyncrasies. The emotional tone of companionate love is more moderate; warmth and affection are more common than extreme passions. When partners are separated because of travel or illness, they often have intense feelings of loneliness and desire.

So, what sort of Love are you, my friend looking for?